lost again

i thought i failed, but i didn't at all.

it all seemed so good until it wasn't.

i know im smart, but THAT just made me feel like i wasn't.

i wanna cry but i already did.

i expect so much for myself,

but it seems like i can never line up with God

when i strongly want something for myself.

God's Will, God's Way

you can't fight or move around it.

His will always prevails.

it hurts to have a genuine expectation for yourself and

it being ripped away by the serpent under our feet's.

stolen.

i won't stop though. the faith will NEVER stop.

she's still here.

still alive.

i won't give up on my hearts desires.

God won't either.

there is joy on the other side.

peace on the other side.

i want a miracle but I feel powerless to even ask for one

the Lord chose me. this journey is and will be hard.

may peace and protection reside and rest within me.

i am not doubting the Lord, im more so...

drained.

that city, that school, those people, those drugs, those influences.

that prison took a toll on me.

hit me hard like a gust of wind.

i fell to my knees multiple times.

crawled on my knees multiple times,

stretching my hand out to Jesus

and He was always there with open arms

making my heart warm

but also making me realize that the people around me were temporary.

Jesus became my friend when I had no one.

back against the wall

heart in pieces, heart on fried

Jesus was ALWAYS there.

his warmth overwhelmed, heated me up

i knew I had a friend in him.

sometimes I regret the process, but now i don't.

the "love" i outgrew

the people i've released

i learned what resentment was real fast

but forgiveness even quicker.

im learning how to love my own environment

my own company

even when struggle hits.

i like being alone.

i actually get annoyed when i'm not.

i enjoy people.

i want to be alone but not lonely

constantly evolving.

mindset has changed, for sure.

i have love for the past.

i see transformation in people,

the struggle is really with myself.

-tay